Managing Fear of Judgment

How to Overcome the Fear of Judgement

The fear of judgment can be really daunting but it doesn’t have to be defeating. People will go to self-defeating lengths to elude the possibility of being negatively judged by others. They will avoid telling others what they’re really thinking and/or needing. They will avoid speaking up in class or at work meetings. People can avoid all sorts of situations, experiences, and opportunities out of fear of judgment. This can be detrimental to one’s overall happiness, fulfillment, satisfaction, and, ability to make meaningful connections with others.

This fear of being negatively perceived or judged by others normally comes from the desire or belief that they need to be liked and accepted by others in order to love and accept themselves. Unfortunately, being liked and accepted by everyone you meet is, well, quite literally impossible. Trying to be liked and accepted by everyone you meet is a slippery slope that can cause people to squash their ability to experience and express their true authentic selves.

Let’s face it, humans are always judging others—good/bad or like/dislike, with lots of nuance in between. And as new information comes in, the human mind reassesses: It is an ongoing process. We are taking in over 40 million pieces of information every 60 seconds, so processing, and making observations of yourself and others. These are all inevitable parts of human existence.

Instead of putting so much time, effort, and emotional energy into not saying anything about your needs, wants, or values and constantly working overtime to try and manage the perceptions others within your life have of you, so they won’t judge you... You can work to accept this thought process instead!

Everything Is Temporary: The reality is that the human brain has limited room for incoming/stored information. Therefore, although we as humans are constantly making observations and judgments of others, they don’t often “stick” and are forgotten moments and/or days later. The understanding, thoughts, and judgments that are stored in our memory over time, are based on a consistent emotional reaction experienced by that person. For example, if a person at work consistently makes you laugh, chances the perception of them will positive.

Judgment Is Inevitable, It’s a part of our human functioning: Trying to control someone else’s perception of you, is the equivalent to rocking in a rocking chair trying to get across the road. You’re not getting anywhere anytime fast. Why? Because we have no control over how others perceive us. Each person’s perception of the situation is subjective to their previous life experiences. This is part of why two children can be brought up by the same parents, in the same household, and hold two completely different perceptions of their upbringing.

What Is Your Internal Dialogue Like? How we speak to ourselves has a lot to do with how we believe others will judge us. For example, if you’re negatively judging yourself on your lack of accomplishments or what stage you’re at within your life in comparison to someone else, you are more likely to be worried that someone will judge us for the same things you judge yourself for. If you’re wondering whether your internal dialogue is healthy or not, ask yourself if you would talk to a best friend the way you speak to yourself.

What is your perception of yourself like? If we aren’t confident in who we are, there is a heightened chance that we are going to be more sensitive to what we believe others are judging us based upon. When we aren’t stable in who we are and how we perceive ourselves, other individuals’ perceptions/judgments of us will be weighed more heavily and be more likely to be encoded as a core belief about ourselves. If we are confident in who we are, then what others have to say about us is much easier to sort into facts and/or opinions. Everyone has opinions and that doesn’t mean they’re accurate or true. We get to choose if what someone has to say about us is factual or opinionated through honest self-reflection.

Who are you worried about being judged by? Do they deserve to hold weight in your perception of yourself? Who is being judgmental of you? Are they someone you care about as a person? Are they someone that you look up to and want to be like? Have you reflected on what they have to say about you and is it factual or opinion based? Is it something that you feel needs to be addressed based on your own set of morals, values, or beliefs? These are all questions to ask yourself before taking someone’s judgments of you and wearing them as a cape and crown, allowing them to define your perception of yourself or how you feel as a person. If someone you care about passes honest judgment or constructive criticism on something you’re doing, or behaviour being engaged in, then it may be worthwhile to sit with it and decide if you feel as though it's accurate and worthwhile addressing. If someone that you dislike, don’t trust, or care about is passing judgment on you, ask yourself if they deserve to control your emotional well-being and mental state.

99% of people's judgments are a projection of their own insecurities. That’s right folks, you heard it. The majority of the judgments passed or pushed upon others whether it be by us towards someone else, ourselves, or vice versa… judgments are generally a projection of our and/or other individuals’ insecurities and perceived imperfections.

Fearing judgment in some manner is something that a vast majority of the population experiences. However, it does not deserve to control your life, the opportunities you take, how you speak, or how you feel. I will leave you with this quote.

“If you want to avoid judgment, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” -Aristotle