Self-Sabotaging Behaviours
What is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage, I’m sure we’ve all heard of it... but what is it? Well, self-sabotaging is knowing what is best for you, and not doing it. Behaviour is said to be self-sabotaging when it cultivates and/or perpetuates problems in daily life and interferes with long-standing goals. Every time you choose a path that is not in your best interest (within reason), you are actively re-confirming your belief that you don’t deserve any better. Self-sabotaging behaviours can also be learned(and outdated) coping mechanisms from the past. You may have had to adapt certain behaviours to survive when you were growing up, in relationships or throughout a period of your lifetime. The reasons why we engage in self-sabotaging behaviours are vast and complex. Therefore, its’s helpful to be able to identify the ways in which we engage in self-sabotaging behaviours as it will be a key factor in understanding and effectively coping with
them. Here are a few ways that self-sabotage may present itself in day-to-day living.
8 Ways of Self-Sabotaging
1. Procrastination
2. Negative
3. Substance misuse/abuse
4. Self-neglect
5. Negative self-talk
6. Perfectionism
7. Resistance to change
8. Lack of self-trust
It can be hard to determine self-sabotaging behaviours, especially when the consequences may not immediately follow the behaviour, creating difficulty in creating a connection between the two. However, one way to try and identify if you are engaging in a self-sabotaging behaviour is to reflect on if your decisions and behaviours are in alignment with your long-term goals, values, morals, and beliefs. Try asking yourself “What am I hoping to gain by doing this?” If the behaviour does not support your values, morals, beliefs, and long-term goals it may be self-sabotage.
Something to Think About
Behaviour is ALWAYS purposeful. If we sit with ourselves and honestly reflect on the ways we have behaved, we are very likely to understand the reason behind our behaviours. We may not like the reason we have behaved in the manner we did, but it’s important to be able to take accountability and look at the behaviour for what it is. Generally, we will behave in self-sabotaging ways when we are experiencing an unmet need of some sort. Being able to understand the reason behind the behaviour, will generally give us a good idea of where/what the unmet need is.
How Can I Stop Self-Sabotaging?
There is significant research to support the understanding that those successful in managing self-sabotaging behaviour can notice when they are feeling distressed, and write down the source of the distress and how they responded. They can then explore if their response supported their long-term goals, morals, or beliefs, or if the response was driven by harmful beliefs. If self-sabotaging behaviours are being perpetuated by negative core beliefs it may be worthwhile to seek support from a mental health professional, as core belief work is most effectively done with proper guidance, insight, and support. However, if seeking counselling or psychotherapy is not an option, it may be helpful to use Thought Records. Thought Records help identify the situation, thoughts, emotions, behaviours, and alternative thought processes that can be taken to help cope with the distress moving forward. These can be found in PDF versions at https://www.therapistaid.com and should look something like what is posted below.