Finding Yourself During Recovery and Self-Growth

Finding yourself,

I'm sure we've all heard about it before. But what does it actually mean?  I used to think it meant "having all your ducks in a row", or some sort of control over life.  Now, I've come to realize that having "all your ducks in a row" is unrealistic.  As long as we know our ducks names, I think in we're in good shape. In my humble opinion, control is an illusion created by society, all we can control is our reactions to life.  Life is ever-changing and quickly. So, being able to adapt, and go with the ebbs and flows of life is essential, knowing yourself is key.

To me, finding yourself is identifying what your values, beliefs and morals are. It's finding out what you like, what sets your soul on fire. It's also finding out what you absolutely despise and absolutely cannot stand behind.  Its being able to celebrate your strengths and understand your weaknesses, but not allowing them to define you. It's understanding your darkness so you can respect your light, so that you can live a purposeful life without limitations of unmanaged mental health and addiction.  

Being able to find yourself in today's day and age is a little different than it was "back in the day". We have so many outside variables, such as social media, that influence our values, morals, beliefs and perceptions. So then how do it do it? 

Well, I've thought about this for quite a while. So, let me break down some of my thoughts and experiences for you. 

1. Stay where you are. I mean sit in the discomfort of the unknown. Feeling lost in yourself can be uncomfortable, but being able to slow down enough in your life to be able to mindful is important. It allows you the time to be honest with yourself. Honest self-reflection is key in finding yourself. 

2. Dig in. Reflect on how you truly perceive yourself. What are you telling you, about you, the world and those around you? Being able to honestly reflect on these perceptions will help you understand your values, your beliefs and your morals. What do you agree with, why? What do you disagree with, why? What would you change, why? 

3. Learn the simple facts about yourself.  Do you like who you are and the people you surround yourself with? What do you like? What do you dislike? Why? What are your biggest fears in life? These will likely be some of your biggest motivators.

4. Date Yourself: Learn to be comfortable on your own, without distraction. Learn to spend time in your own thoughts. Learn to love yourself in all that you are. We all have weaknesses, strengths and quirks that make us who we are. Learn to love all parts of you unconditionally, without becoming complacent. Continue to try and date the best version of yourself. 

5. Day dream until you discover something that makes your chest feel even the slightest spark of hope: Part of finding yourself is discovering new passions and that involves putting yourself out there and trying new things. Keep trying things until you find something that makes you feel grounded, balanced and enriched. 

6. You question your darkest thoughts: These dark thoughts, they come from somewhere often for a reason. Whether it's unresolved trauma, self-esteem issues,  or that you're not living in accordance with your morals, values and beliefs. Be courageous enough to understand the darkness in you, so that you can honour your light. We all want happiness, we don't want pain.. but we can't have rainbow without a little rain. 

7. Create soul-opening routines: What brings you stillness, calm and grounding? Get in touch with your spiritual side, whatever that looks like for you. Some people find stillness, calm and grounding in following a religion, some need time in nature, some practice a form of spirituality, meditation. Whatever you can do to fill your soul and recharge yourself, in a healthy and sustainable manner. 

8. Begin to act in self-loving ways: Treat yourself with love, acceptance and compassion. This doesn't mean justifying wrong doings, or harmful behaviours towards yourself or others. This means understanding when you make a mistake and loving yourself enough to take accountability, learn from it and moving forward with pride in yourself.  It means setting boundaries for yourself and others. It means accepting help and love from others, even when and most importantly when we fear we aren't deserving. 

Finding yourself takes time, it takes patience and persistence. We are constantly learning, changing and growing in life, take time to appreciate your journey.  You deserve to create a life worth living, without the limitations of unmanaged addiction and/or mental health concerns.